Say hello to the peanut

I’ve had a good few weeks break from blogging, mainly because I’ve been away on our Summer hols but also because having the three children at home all day is definitely proving to be more time consuming than I thought.  The housework and study for the next year of my degree have also been neglected while I struggle to entertain the nippers pretending to be Skelator or He-Man throughout the long and mainly wet days. 

9 Week Scan

I went for my first scan three weeks ago and it turned out that I was 9 weeks pregnant so had to go back yesterday for another scan and to have the NT test for Downs Syndrome.  I have been put under the care of a consultant at the hospital rather than a midwife.  Initially it was a shock to see the words ‘high risk’ written on my file but now I am comfortable with it and believe I am getting the best care that they can offer.

The first scan was good, we took the two younger children with us who were fascinated seeing their baby brother or sister doing acrobatics inside my tummy.  This excitement lasted all of two minutes before they decided to tear around the radiographers room and cause havoc.  This havoc then spread into the corridors while I was talking to the consultant so my husband took them for a walk.  Sometimes it is nice to involve the younger children but sometimes it is also nice to be able to listen to what the medical staff are saying to you.

What did worry me was that for the second time I had to give the dates of birth and birth weights of my three children.  I was struggling to recall the precise weights because I was so stressed with the noise of my kiddies and from being on the spot wondering why they didn’t already have this on file.  After all, I’d gone through all the births and miscarriages at the booking-in appointment but also the fact that all three of my children were born at the same hospital made me worry slightly.  The consultant was concerned that my three previous children were low birth weight for a person of my height (6ft).  My first child was 9lb, second was 7lb 8 and the third was 8lb 7, for me these are plenty big enough, I don’t want to be churning out 10lb plus babies thank you very much.

12 Week Scan

At the second scan yesterday, baby peanut had grown quite a lot and was rather more relaxed.  It was just lying in my stomach and kicking me now and then whenever the scan equipment was pressed down quite hard.  We hadn’t taken the children with us today so it was a lot more relaxed and while she took the measurements of the baby’s neck we had a good chance to sit and look at our little peanut.  I won’t lie, I cried.

After the scan we waited for a further hour to see the consultant.  During this time we couldn’t escape the BabyTV DVD that seemed to be on a loop in the waiting room.  All was going well until they were showing Ann Diamond and her cot death warnings followed by a short clip about not leaving a child in the bath alone. 

Eventually we got seen to, apparently there had been some mix up with my files and it was showing that I only had one child (my 14 year old).  We had to go through all my previous history yet again while they blamed the computer for misplacing the information.  Whatever happened to the good old pen and paper, we never had such problems back then.  Out of the blue I burst out crying uncontrollably, the images of that child going underwater in the bath while it’s mother was on the phone really scared me and I was just sobbing my eyes out.  I felt rather stupid when I calmed down and explained that videos like that always upset me.

Eventually we filled in all the missing information and proceeded to have the blood test taken for the NT test.  It’s rather crazy to think that the size of the baby’s neck from the scan and a blood test can determine the chances of the baby having Downs Syndrome.  I have another meeting with the consultant in a few weeks and a Community Midwife appointment after I return from Norway in September followed by a scan early October.  Busy bee from now on.

Sleepy Hollow

I’m being honest when I say the last few days have been tiring.  I have even found it hard to write about anything and feel that I want to blame being tired and emotional but ultimately feel that it is down to sheer bone idleness.  After having three successful pregnancies you would think that I know what to expect, what to look out for and what to avoid but forgive me because it all feels new to me.  I guess I suffer from selective memory loss along with the selective hearing that comes naturally to parents as it does to children. 

I seem to get done what I want to absolutely need to do and then just sit in a daze like a hollow shell until it’s time to pick the children up again.  Just the other day I commented how I’d never felt such tiredness during pregnancy but the more I think about it the more I remember how much I slept during all three pregnancies.  Having my eldest at the age of 16 was quite easy looking back, I was at the age where I could laze in bed of an evening without having to think of chores and other children.  Carrying the other two was different, I worked full time and travelled with work too.  The housework suffered, the homemade evening meals became ‘ding ding’ meals and my evenings became snooze time on the sofa. 

Last night I think I was asleep by 10pm which for me is extremely early.  I say ‘I think’ because I really don’t recall what time I was doing anything to have an idea of what time I may have nodded off.  I awoke at 6:30am under my fluffy pink blanket with a note saying ‘sorry but I tried to wake you’.  I felt so guilty and yet had slept amazingly well.  During breakfast I was doing the usual moaning about how tired I was when my Husband interrupted to comment that anyone would think I was nine months pregnant because of the way I was talking.  Initially I laughed at his remark but as the day has passed it has played on my mind a lot. 

It’s nothing to cause an argument over but do men actually realise just what our bodies are going through during early pregnancy?  Maybe it’s just my husband hoping to ignore the symptoms I’ve been moaning about.  Let’s face it, showing him my sore boobs over the breakfast must be a turn off for any guy.  The more I’ve thought about his comment, the more it has reminded me of similar comments with him twice before, both times when pregnant with the two younger children.  Maybe I need to sit and have a chat with him, again I don’t wish to cause an argument but I want him to realise just how wiped out I am feeling at the moment.  I really don’t want to be in that position again like six years ago where the day I gave birth to my daughter I cried to my Mum on the phone because he hadn’t offered me a cup of tea since we got home.

I also laughed about a remark he made during my last pregnancy the day after I discovered that I was with child.  He was wondering how I could be all of a sudden tired, feeling bloated and having back ache.  He had a fair point and to be honest after breeding what feels like a football team I now feel equipped with the knowledge to answer him.  It isn’t all of a sudden and he’s right.  What does happen, in my opinion at least, is that the symptoms, especially tiredness, is there all along but because we then discover that our bodies are now incubators and changes are happening our senses are more aware so we notice things more.  It is also a lot easier to admit that we are tired when pregnant and haven’t actually got of our backsides all day.  Notice how I’m saying our, I sure hope others are like this, if not I really am just a lazy person.  I just hope this feeling passes soon, my to-do list is growing daily and the summer holidays are growing nearer.

On the edge

Sunday 10^th July 2011

Yesterday flew by so quickly that I didn’t get a chance to write anything down and apart from a bad back, sore boobs and lots of sickness there wasn’t much to report.  I have now informed the world of my stupidity in becoming a mummy again for the fourth time, the broadcast on Facebook was a necessity because my kids were dying to say things to their friends and I didn’t want other friends finding out by word of mouth. 

I wasn’t on Facebook when I had the other three children so never had to think of a way to announce it until now, how was I to know a lot of people would get upset?  Not because of the way I announced it but purely because I am pregnant again.  I fear that I shall have a few less friends over the next few months but that is their choice and I cannot influence that at all.  What they do need to realise though is that we haven’t taken this decision lightly at all.  Yes our life isn’t ideal, I do have my own health problems and yes I do know that our relationship can be explosive at times. 

To those who feel that I cannot cope with the three children already then let me be the first to say, I agree.  But parents all cope in their own way, some like to be out and about mingling with others and being super parents at the park 24/7 but some just like to muddle on alone and not in the public eye while they are dealing with their children’s inability to behave.  And for me, I do prefer to stay at home and that is my decision.  To you it may appear that I cannot cope however I feel more in control when I can manage my children’s behaviour in my own house, my own garden rather than becoming that screaming fishwife in the local park who is constantly telling their children off. 

This decision that I have made will be at the front of my thoughts for the remainder of this pregnancy and believe me, it’s not easy thinking each day over choices being right or wrong.  My emotions have been especially torn each morning when my two younger children are screaming the house down because they cannot play nicely together without adult supervision.  My husband usually sees to them at this point because when I do eventually sleep it would take a nuke to wake me up and not world war 3 going on downstairs in the kids bedroom.  This is now driving him mad and today I felt ‘told off’ when he announced that I shall have to start seeing to the children when they get like that because it’s wearing him out.  Initially, I felt like starting an argument and pointing out all of the things that I do with the house and children that tire me out but I had no energy, my boobs feel like they are about to explode and my back, yet again is throbbing.  I just nodded and agreed but now I am worrying about it.  It does take a lot to wake me, I was always good with the children when they were babies but now their cat fights don’t seem to wake me.  I felt so sick at the thought of being told off and I don’t think he meant to make me feel like that but is this a taste of things to come?  I don’t think I could cope with all this again. 

On the other hand though, it is 9:45am and I am awake with the kiddies who are now playing in the garden and he is still in bed, but even still, he has been up and down to them early this morning.  Maybe I should start pointing out that I rarely stay in bed like that, once I’m awake I just get up and at ‘em.  Or maybe I should just leave it?  Why cause an argument just for the sake of making a point or standing up for myself?  I don’t want to argue but hearing that this morning has made me feel so bad in myself.