Wednesday, 7 September 2011

It's oh so quiet.....

Still half asleep and watching big sis make their sandwiches for school

I walked in the house, threw my keys on the side and collapsed on the sofa in a heap of tears, snot and sobbing this morning.  The cats were staring at me with such confused expressions as if to say ‘but you’ve been waiting for this peace and quiet all summer’.  The house seems so empty right now and the cats are no doubt right.  I’ve spent the last six weeks wishing this day would come quicker and I now feel guilty having just handed over my son to his teacher.  It’s his first day at Primary School, no longer a toddler but a big Reception class boy all smart and styled in his spotless uniform.
The other eight children in his class all went into school without any commotion but my little man wanted to walk in with his big sister.  Even though they are in the same classroom she goes in through a different door into the Key Stage 1 cloakroom.  She had run off to be with her friends the moment we entered the playground (not even a kiss for mummy).  The teacher explained to little man that he would see his sister in the classroom but he needed to go in without her.  He had made his mind up at this point that he just wouldn’t go into school at all.
The teacher within me felt that the staff could have perhaps helped me a little more as I explained it would be easier for them to just take him off me, let me give him a quick kiss then go.  This is what we did for the last two years with little miss and it worked well because I wasn’t hanging around like a sobbing wreck each morning.  The teacher mentioned casually to a student member of staff that ‘perhaps that little man might need a hand’ but didn’t actually say what to do.  They all then walked into the school leaving hubby and I outside with an over emotional four year old clinging on to my shoulders for dear life.  We didn’t know what to do, the school door was locked so we couldn’t just follow on in, there were parents just staring at us and this student was just stood there.  We felt like total plums to be honest. 
The headmistress was having a chin wag with the regular PTA type mums and looked over at us several times before coming over.  Because the doors were locked she had to lead us through the kitchens and we finally encouraged him to walk and hold my hand rather than being carried.  As we approached the main door into the school, she broke our hands away from each other and shut the door on us quickly.  It took me by surprise as much as little man, he hadn’t given me a kiss and I could see and hear him screaming as he realised he was in school and that was it now.  I soon scarpered out of the kitchen but couldn’t help feel bad because I knew at this point he just wanted that kiss then he would be ok.  He has done the same thing at nursery and the childminder for the last two years.  He always clings and cries but then as soon as I hand him over, he snatches a quick kiss off me before being ok.  One day I forgot to do this at nursery and they commented how he didn’t seem to function properly all day.  He often shouts ‘start at the beginning’ until his mind is at a point where he can function again.  I hope he manages to find that point today and settle himself down easily.
At least my daughter didn’t seem phased about entering year two and we had no tantrums from her.  My eldest son was the same, he turned fifteen yesterday and started in year ten today.  He had left for school before anyone else was up in the house, obviously very keen.  I am a proud mummy today but as I look around this somewhat empty house now, I feel sad and alone.*
*As I typed this baby peanut decided to have a good old wriggle….I’m not alone really.

Thursday, 1 September 2011

Only a third of the way?

Well I’ve now made it to Week 14 and the second trimester.  Is it just me or does anyone else at this stage feel like they’ve been pregnant for years?  I guess it doesn’t help that I discovered the pregnancy extremely early on but when you know your own body so well these things are unavoidable.
I’ve started to read the online weekly pregnancy updates which quite frankly bore me a little.  The descriptions of what little peanut is doing are good and informative and certainly give any expectant mother a little insight into what developments are taking place.  However, it’s the descriptions of what the mother-to-be’s body is going through which switches me off.  After numerous pregnancies now I’ve got used to the fact that everyone is different and every pregnancy is different.  Where one woman may be feeling less lethargic and sick by this time of the pregnancy, another may be feeling rough, shattered and fit for nothing.  I also hate seeing the pictures of what your bump may look like too, with my flabby tummy I’ve never had a bump like most women’s so I tend not to look now. 
I am still extremely tired which is probably why I’ve taken such a dislike to perfect bumps and energetic expectant mothers.  I only do the housework when I absolutely need to do it and as for cooking, everything makes me want to be sick still. I feel faint and dizzy and my fibromyalgia seems to be getting worse with my neck, back, wrists and ankles in constant pain.  I do have one ray of light though, the body pillow which my husband bought for me finally arrived yesterday.  I have never been so comfortable in my life.  It’s twice the length of my body so really does allow me to hug every bump, ankle or aching hip.  Roll on bedtime tonight, I can’t wait.